"If heaven sends no supplies, the fairest blossom in the garden dies."--William Browne.

Well, we've certainly been getting our fair share of rain, lately. Maybe we won't have a drought this year, like last year. Last year we were faced with the worry of forest fires and such, although forest fires here in the northeast are nothing like what they have out west--our fires sometimes tend to go underground, into the root system...and they don't generally burn miles of forest, like out west....however, that said, our fires can last for months, underground.

Anyway, on a personal level, my car's windshield wipers picked a fine time to break, didn't they? And absolutely no cash to spare to repair them--none. I can't get another car, either...between the world's worst credit and no down payment...and possibly no insurance, either. The thought makes me even more ill than I'm feeling already. I feel so trapped by my lack of cash flow. I've been looking for a decent job since mid-November, and here it is June, and still nothing....is it any wonder I'm so darned depressed and feel totally worthless as a human being?

Lost more cash out of my paycheck last night. Had to go home sick. I was quite ill at work...even worse when I got home...have to make another appt. with the doctor, I suppose...don't know where to come up with the cash for the co-pay. It's easy for people with money to spare, to say this new govt. drug plan/insurance is great...they haven't the worry about having their electric turned off, or having enough food to eat, or finding enough cash to feed their pets, or fuel for the car to go to work with, or cash for asprin or prescriptions...have they, then? They have theirs, so to heck with everyone else who's suffering. Co-pay used to be $3--and I didn't always have that to spare, and neither has thousands of others, now it's much, much higher--& my monthly income is actually lower, so thanks to the lovely sub-human pro-big business republicans, a doctor is truly a luxury item now, gee thanks GB! Ahh...really, that's neither a joke nor is it any sort of exaggeration...if you haven't, at least once in your life, literally had to count pennies to buy a quart of milk or a loaf of bread, you don't truly know what reality is...(not intended as an insult, it's just that a lot of people in this country, just don't grasp the concept of poverty in America very well--if at all.)

There's definately two America's now: one half who has, and the other half who hasn't--or, to be more blunt: one half who's totally oblivious as to what hard-core reality is, and the other half who lives in nothing but hard-core reality.

I wish this entry today was more cheerful, but I just feel lousy and not positive at all today. Such is life, eh? I wish heaven would send me some supplies...or at least, some GOOD news, for a change...something, anything... :(