They say the best apples are in the highest tree. Maybe I should be aiming higher in my life goals. However, I'm afraid that I'm not sure any longer how I'm supposed to do that. I seem to be pretty much stuck where I am, at the moment, and nothing is looking good for positive change any time soon. Someone told me today, that I should "have a job where I use my mind more." Not sure that's a compliment or not...I do physical labor, so I guess that could be construed as a way of telling me that I stink as an office cleaner, ha-ha? I've had people tell me I'm smart, but I'm not at all, really, honest and truly. I've had to fight tooth and nail to learn things...and I have a swiss cheese memory, so it's doubly hard, sometimes. I do read a lot and am very curious about the world, and not at all afraid to listen, or to express my opinion...but smart? Nah. Actually, I believe in reality, I have a below average IQ.
I've started working on a personal page, My Story. If anyone reading this wants to see my biography of sorts, here's the URL: http://www.ourstory.com/story.html It's a work in progress, but you'd get the general gist of things, anyway. It's something to occupy the lonely hours, anyway, since I'm trapped in the flat until the motorcycle rally leaves town. It's at times, very personal, and sometimes very trivial...just like this blog, in a way...boring, ha-ha!
I don't know, I'm so utterly jaded regarding jobs, right now. The only thing that keeps me going sometimes, honestly, is my own hard-headedness. I believe me, I'm hard-headed...have had more than my fair share of concussions in my life: a metal swing when I was a toddler, one time didn't duck low enough under a low-hanging tree branch (learned to look up when I'm ducking, the hard way, on that one) the lid of a car's trunk (boot) crashing down on me, a horse that was a weaver (swings head back and forth out of boredom)==gosh, that one really did knock me out, my bike accident (thrown clear across the road and landed on my head/face), and one time, when my club was working the BBC's traveling Doctor Who exhibit, I ducked under the exhibit trailer to fetch something, someone called me, without thinking I raised my head up too soon before I cleared the underside of the trailer...you should have seen the goose-egg I got from that one...was dizzy for hours...said, "Oh, I'm fine," as I wobbled around, ha-ha. So anyway, yep, when folks tell me I'm stubborn, I say, "oh yeah, I am rather hard-headed, aren't I?" I sometimes feel I've been knocked on the head more times than a TV dectective! Ever notice, these guys on television, getting knocked on the head all the time with guns and pipes and other hard objects, yet still having the brains to solve intricate mysteries? Brillant!
10:15 am:
In the news: Now they say that a petroglyph in Arizona is a record of a supernova around the year 1006...huh, that's interesting, but can they prove it? Though, I suppose it's quite likely, what with the fact that the native peoples probably spent a great deal of time looking at the sky...I know that when I was working outdoors all day at the stable, I became almost obsessed with the weather...well, you kind of have to, don't you? You have to know how to dress for the elements and what to be prepared for--especially in the case of extreme weather conditions. It's ironic though--at least, I find it so--that here in the states we have the 24 hour "Weather Channel" and most people nowadays hang out indoors on their computers or work in offices, fly in climate controlled airplanes, work with air conditionng and central heating, and drive cars and seldom have to deal with the outdoors all day, every day like farmers, horsemen and fishermen and such.
Speaking of weather, they say that post-hurricane New Orleans is getting "whiter and wealthier." Is that such a big surprise? When the rich white ultra-neo-conservatives are in complete control of our country/culture? If this is a surprise to anyone, that person needs to get out a whole lot more. Those people in New Orleans that are being left behind by the neos are problably going to leave this country with a legacy of poverty and despair that America may never recover from. And the neos and EC's (Extreme Capitalists) better wake up, or this legacy may someday prove to be Ameica's downfall. But so far, the neos and EC's and the entire Bush administration seems to be still in their own little dream world. What? And Bush and his EC's should actually worry about America falling apart at the seams, when there's terrorists in Canada? Yeah, right. Persoanlly, I think America is more in danger from her own deteriorating society and neo-conservatisim, than from any terrorist--but, that's just my opinion.
I have so many worries to juggle, sometimes it's impossible to sleep, like last night. I can't find affordable car insurance, the guy who bought my trailer still owes me $500...which I still owe my landlords (plus an additional $150) for my security deposit. Thank goodness the landlords are being so nice and understanding. But gosh, I'm genuinely scared. I owe so many people so much money...I'm so buried in debt that sometimes I wonder if when my life is going to just crumble into little tiny bits...already is happening, sometimes, I think. I don't know. My student loans are due and I have absolutely no money to pay them. I gotta' fix my car, but there's nothing to do about it, no cash. There's no public trans. here, without a car, I'm sunk. Taxi's are around $60 round trip to the nearest city from here. I have no money for a down payment, and lousy credit, so there's no way I'm ever going to get another car right now. I am so worried that I"ll have an accident with no windsheild wipers on my car--30 plus miles to work, it's bound to happen, and me with no insurance! Or--literally, one of my worse nightmares--that I'll break down on the highway when I have no money on me...I'm not joking about being scared. Once again, I may run out of food by next week, and no food pantry trips...can only go once every 2 months, that's the rule. My new town has no food pantry, so there's no where else to go. The wolves are howling at my door and the door is splintering a little more every day.
As for this day, it's just another working day for me. Clouding up a bit, so I've gone online to check the forecast/local radar. Without windsheild wipers, I really have to re-adjust my travel times. My bursitis is acting up a bit...can only just bend my left knee..going to be a fun time at the old race track tonight...climbing up to the pressbox & judges stand on the roof, walking back and forth from one end of the complex to the other, going down into the basement to mop the long hallway and bring up the trash...not a gay life I"m leading, is it? I spent about 20 minutes today--while simultainiously trying to eat my lunch consisting of some leftover soup and a turkey sandwich, writing another paragraph for my Doctor Who story...I haven't had this much fun writing something...('tho it's going very slowly)...in a long, long time. I trashed half the story and am doing a re-write, as the previous story was just too tedious..not enough cliff hangers...can't have a DW story without plenty of cliff-hangers, can we? Oh dear, the radar for my area is all green....rain again? Oh come on. Really, what is this, England? I don't remember a rainy June like this one in quite a while...but at least it's not another drought, like last year....and the year before. According to the radar, the rain is light to heavy, depending on the location. Looks like it's going to rain for hours, so I'd better leave soon...I hate my job...but, I hate having to leave for work earlier than neccessary, even more. Wouldn't be so bad if I was doing something interesting...or at least reasonably productive to society...but my job never changes...still, I suppose somebody has to take out the trash...(huge sigh.)
Thought for the day:
The treasures you store within your mind and heart, are yours to keep forever.
I've started working on a personal page, My Story. If anyone reading this wants to see my biography of sorts, here's the URL: http://www.ourstory.com/story.html It's a work in progress, but you'd get the general gist of things, anyway. It's something to occupy the lonely hours, anyway, since I'm trapped in the flat until the motorcycle rally leaves town. It's at times, very personal, and sometimes very trivial...just like this blog, in a way...boring, ha-ha!
I don't know, I'm so utterly jaded regarding jobs, right now. The only thing that keeps me going sometimes, honestly, is my own hard-headedness. I believe me, I'm hard-headed...have had more than my fair share of concussions in my life: a metal swing when I was a toddler, one time didn't duck low enough under a low-hanging tree branch (learned to look up when I'm ducking, the hard way, on that one) the lid of a car's trunk (boot) crashing down on me, a horse that was a weaver (swings head back and forth out of boredom)==gosh, that one really did knock me out, my bike accident (thrown clear across the road and landed on my head/face), and one time, when my club was working the BBC's traveling Doctor Who exhibit, I ducked under the exhibit trailer to fetch something, someone called me, without thinking I raised my head up too soon before I cleared the underside of the trailer...you should have seen the goose-egg I got from that one...was dizzy for hours...said, "Oh, I'm fine," as I wobbled around, ha-ha. So anyway, yep, when folks tell me I'm stubborn, I say, "oh yeah, I am rather hard-headed, aren't I?" I sometimes feel I've been knocked on the head more times than a TV dectective! Ever notice, these guys on television, getting knocked on the head all the time with guns and pipes and other hard objects, yet still having the brains to solve intricate mysteries? Brillant!
10:15 am:
In the news: Now they say that a petroglyph in Arizona is a record of a supernova around the year 1006...huh, that's interesting, but can they prove it? Though, I suppose it's quite likely, what with the fact that the native peoples probably spent a great deal of time looking at the sky...I know that when I was working outdoors all day at the stable, I became almost obsessed with the weather...well, you kind of have to, don't you? You have to know how to dress for the elements and what to be prepared for--especially in the case of extreme weather conditions. It's ironic though--at least, I find it so--that here in the states we have the 24 hour "Weather Channel" and most people nowadays hang out indoors on their computers or work in offices, fly in climate controlled airplanes, work with air conditionng and central heating, and drive cars and seldom have to deal with the outdoors all day, every day like farmers, horsemen and fishermen and such.
Speaking of weather, they say that post-hurricane New Orleans is getting "whiter and wealthier." Is that such a big surprise? When the rich white ultra-neo-conservatives are in complete control of our country/culture? If this is a surprise to anyone, that person needs to get out a whole lot more. Those people in New Orleans that are being left behind by the neos are problably going to leave this country with a legacy of poverty and despair that America may never recover from. And the neos and EC's (Extreme Capitalists) better wake up, or this legacy may someday prove to be Ameica's downfall. But so far, the neos and EC's and the entire Bush administration seems to be still in their own little dream world. What? And Bush and his EC's should actually worry about America falling apart at the seams, when there's terrorists in Canada? Yeah, right. Persoanlly, I think America is more in danger from her own deteriorating society and neo-conservatisim, than from any terrorist--but, that's just my opinion.
I have so many worries to juggle, sometimes it's impossible to sleep, like last night. I can't find affordable car insurance, the guy who bought my trailer still owes me $500...which I still owe my landlords (plus an additional $150) for my security deposit. Thank goodness the landlords are being so nice and understanding. But gosh, I'm genuinely scared. I owe so many people so much money...I'm so buried in debt that sometimes I wonder if when my life is going to just crumble into little tiny bits...already is happening, sometimes, I think. I don't know. My student loans are due and I have absolutely no money to pay them. I gotta' fix my car, but there's nothing to do about it, no cash. There's no public trans. here, without a car, I'm sunk. Taxi's are around $60 round trip to the nearest city from here. I have no money for a down payment, and lousy credit, so there's no way I'm ever going to get another car right now. I am so worried that I"ll have an accident with no windsheild wipers on my car--30 plus miles to work, it's bound to happen, and me with no insurance! Or--literally, one of my worse nightmares--that I'll break down on the highway when I have no money on me...I'm not joking about being scared. Once again, I may run out of food by next week, and no food pantry trips...can only go once every 2 months, that's the rule. My new town has no food pantry, so there's no where else to go. The wolves are howling at my door and the door is splintering a little more every day.
As for this day, it's just another working day for me. Clouding up a bit, so I've gone online to check the forecast/local radar. Without windsheild wipers, I really have to re-adjust my travel times. My bursitis is acting up a bit...can only just bend my left knee..going to be a fun time at the old race track tonight...climbing up to the pressbox & judges stand on the roof, walking back and forth from one end of the complex to the other, going down into the basement to mop the long hallway and bring up the trash...not a gay life I"m leading, is it? I spent about 20 minutes today--while simultainiously trying to eat my lunch consisting of some leftover soup and a turkey sandwich, writing another paragraph for my Doctor Who story...I haven't had this much fun writing something...('tho it's going very slowly)...in a long, long time. I trashed half the story and am doing a re-write, as the previous story was just too tedious..not enough cliff hangers...can't have a DW story without plenty of cliff-hangers, can we? Oh dear, the radar for my area is all green....rain again? Oh come on. Really, what is this, England? I don't remember a rainy June like this one in quite a while...but at least it's not another drought, like last year....and the year before. According to the radar, the rain is light to heavy, depending on the location. Looks like it's going to rain for hours, so I'd better leave soon...I hate my job...but, I hate having to leave for work earlier than neccessary, even more. Wouldn't be so bad if I was doing something interesting...or at least reasonably productive to society...but my job never changes...still, I suppose somebody has to take out the trash...(huge sigh.)
Thought for the day:
The treasures you store within your mind and heart, are yours to keep forever.
posted by JustNancy | 1:10 AM
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